you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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