ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
