Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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