I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
