you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
