i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The best revenge is premature balding
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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