I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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