Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
