i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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