all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
