How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
