just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
