I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
