I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
