answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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