She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
