So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
