The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
