I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
