my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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