Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
