rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
