worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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