Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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