I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
