i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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