How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
