My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
