I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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