I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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