On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
