my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
