i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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