dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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