just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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