atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
