My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
