Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
