why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
