I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
