you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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