I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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