Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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