it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
