dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
