I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
