im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Please don't give away my fajitas
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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