he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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