i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
