can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
