i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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