I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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