Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
