Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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