You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm having to shit out rocks
God, I missed his penis.
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