a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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