Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
