My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
