Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
