I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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