Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
