I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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