Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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