he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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