i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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