you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
