let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Success! We fucked roommates!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
