Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
