you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
